Sunday, December 6, 2009

Count Your Blessings

I have had many sleepless nights/days lately. A year ago I was sleeping like a baby, and I probably shouldn't have been, now it has finally hit me and I can't sleep. So tonight after worrying and crying over things that I can't change or fix it hit me that I may not have everything I think I need and definitely not all that I want, but I have want means the most. I have so many blessings and we have never lacked in the things that we need the most. So I am very blessed.

"Count Your Blessings Instead Of Sheep"

"When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessing instead of sheep
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings

When my bankroll is gettin' small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings

I think about a nursery
And I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds

If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings.

So if you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings."






Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Home

I am done with the longest summer of my life so far. I haven't seen much of my husband and kids. They have sacrificed so much, but as I was driving home from work this morning I heard this song and it kind of said what I felt. I just want to go home. And I want to find a home that feels like home again.

"Home"


Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Sometimes I feel I get lost in my own life. I have been so busy that I haven't really given myself a chance to grieve over what is lost. Every once in awhile I take a breath and a small wave of sorrow for what was hits me. As quickly as it hits me I push it away.

A few months ago I asked why I was doing what I am doing. I know why. I have a dream of what I want out of life. I have faith that our future will be as good as I dream it will be. I feel like I have gained a sense of strength and autonomy that I have never had. At the end of this road I will be a better wife and mother and have so much more to offer in general. So, I thank God for unexpected turns in the road and I put my faith in him to guide me down the right paths.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Lost Photos







I just found pictures of Jack when he was first born and when he was back in the hospital at 6 days old. I have been so sad because I thought we had never downloaded them. Yah!!!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy 9th Birthday Max


I have a never ending list of things that I love and admire about Max, but here is my top 10.

1. He is such a good big brother. His brothers wait all day long to play with him.
2. He is super creative. He has a never ending imagination.
3. He is a great swimmer, he swims 3-5 times a week for 1 1/2 hours.
4. He loves music, he is into the Police at the moment.
5. He makes friends easily and gets along with almost anyone.
6. He is really smart and gets really good marks in school.
7. He is a deep thinker, asks questions about life and religion that knock me off my feet.
8. He is adventurous, he likes to travel, and eat really great food (like sushi)
9. He is sweet. One night I came home from work at 5am to find Max sleeping in my bed. I climbed into bed and he woke up just long enough to kiss me on the cheek and say. "I love you mom"
10. He's handsome and really tall. I know more than one young lady with a crush on him :)

Max, I love you. Happy birthday!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What am I doing?

Its almost 2 am and I am up looking at family and friends blogs for the first time in months. I just got done listening to a 2 hour lecture for patho. and I should be going to bed but graveyard shifts have completely altered my sleep schedule.

I finished my last final a little over two weeks ago. It was a stress filled finals week but I managed to eek out an A and an A-. One week off, I read a novel and spent a ton of time with my kids, and I now am back at it again. Full time work and full time school. I can't help but wonder what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Is it the right choice? I felt so strongly about it when I made the decision and I think I have to go with those impressions and feelings because now I am too busy to know what it is I am thinking or feeling.

I haven't had my hair done since spring break, not even my eyebrows waxed. I haven't been out with Shelby on a date since the holidays. I miss my kids, family and friends.


I just hope I can do this.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Seth's First Birthday







My last baby is one. Wow, a period of my life is over. I am a little sad, and a little relieved, but mostly tired!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Friday, February 6, 2009

Happy Birthday Jack






Jack is turning three this next week. I have thought a lot about writing down Jack's birth story. I have wanted to but I have been so busy this past week that the thought of sitting down a recounting this stressful period of my life seemed a little overwhelming, and I am not really in the mood, but I have decided to anyway. After church today I will sit down and edit this post with his birth story.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Best thing of 2008






SETH!!!

Seth was born on April 11th, seven weeks early. I will give you a very shortened account of his birth. Max was 3 weeks early, Simon 6 premature, and Jack 3 weeks early. I had such hard pregnancies with all of my first three babies. I contracted the whole time and the doctors worried about premature labor, but with Seth I felt great. I had hardly had one contraction. I was able to exercise the whole pregnancy.

Two days before he was born I had a doctors appointment and everything was great. We really questioned the doctor about it, because Shelby was leaving on the 11th on tour to the remote jungle. This was a tour that he had to take because it was so remote and specialized that no one else could run it. We were reassured that everything was fine. That night Seth dropped and when I walked it felt like he would fall out of me.

The next day I contracted all day off and on. But I thought that it was just the beginning of a long couple of weeks before he came. I contracted non-stop for two weeks before I had Jack. On the 11th Shelby got up at 5 am to get ready to go to the airport and I was having painful contractions. I walked into the bathroom and asked Shelby what I should do if I had the baby while he was in the Guatemalan jungle. I think he just blew me off because I contract so much during my pregnancies. So he left for the airport.

Around 8 am the contractions weren't going away, and they were fairly regular and really painful in my back. I called a lady in my neighborhood that worked as a labor and delivery nurse if she thought I was okay, given my history of contractions. She nicely told me "honey I think you should go in and get checked." So I called my sister and apologized, but asked if she would go in with me to get checked, even though I knew they would send me home. So she came over and we fed my kids and her son breakfast, put them all in the car and drove them to my sister-in-law in Salt Lake. Then we drove to the hospital that my doctor worked at in Salt Lake. The whole time I was contracting but still thought going in was a waste of time.

I got checked in at labor and delivery, the whole time letting the nurses know given my history of contracting and having only had one previous premature baby, that I was not in labor and I was wasting their time. They hooked me up and didn't come and check me for over an hour. Then they came in and talked to me about having a c-section (my fourth c-section) that day, I was contracting like I was in active labor and they knew I was in labor without checking me. When they did check I was already 4+.

So I called Shelby, he was just getting ready to get on the plane. I told him to get over to the hospital because we were having a baby. He took a taxi to the hospital, when he came in he looked, well I can't describe it, I have never seen a look on anyone like this. Confusion, stress, panic, fear, worry about his clients who were on their way to Guatemala without him.

Around 3:30 pm we had Seth. Shelby spent a few hours with Seth then left in tears because he had to catch a red eye and then take a helicopter to rescue his group in the jungle. My sister spent the first night with me in the hospital. Then I spent the next 10 days alone in the hospital. 5 days in the maternity ward recovering from the c-section and the 4 inch whole in my bladder that my doctor accidentally made during the surgery. Then 5 days in a room next to the ICU. My other 3 boys were shipped up to my brother and sister-in-laws in Wyoming.

Seth struggled. He didn't even wake up for 2 days. He was so swollen and puffy. He was vented to breath. He had imbalances in chemicals. Once he was off the ventilation he stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated. He wasn't even receiving any tube feedings for the first 4 days, only I.V. nutrition. He was doing so much worse than Simon did in the ICU. Simon was in the ICU for 10 days and I felt like Seth would be there forever and the nurses and NNP kind of felt he would be there for 3-4 weeks.

After the first day I walked into the ICU every 3 hours for cares. I changed his diaper, took his temp, and either talked to him and patted his back or when he was well enough held him. The first 5 days I skipped one care at night and then after that I was there around the clock. At 5 days Seth woke up!! Everything changed. He seemed hungry. They gave him a Binky and started tube feeding him through his nose. The nurses wouldn't let me even try to nurse him. I insisted on being able to hold him as much as I wanted and doing kangaroo care, skin to skin. 6 days I insisted on trying to nurse. They were against it but didn't think he would be able to latch on anyway. But he did. Then Seth and I worked together to get him home. I came in a nursed him at every feeding whether or not he was able to complete a full feeding or needed the tube to supplement. His body gained strength and at 8 days he was eating only through nursing. At 8 days Shelby came home. At 9 days my other boys came home. Then amazingly Seth and I came home at 10 days.

Seth and I spent the next 2-3 weeks at home in my room. I was recovering from 10 days of a catheter and terrible surgery and Seth was growing and gaining strength.

Thank you to all of my family, friends, and neighbors for all of their help during this time. Thank you for the meals, for taking my kids and all of the other kindnesses. I want especially thank my sister Jen. She came over nearly every day for weeks to make sure I could sleep and recover.

This was the best of 2008! My last baby! What a miracle, I am so blessed!