Home

I am done with the longest summer of my life so far. I haven't seen much of my husband and kids. They have sacrificed so much, but as I was driving home from work this morning I heard this song and it kind of said what I felt. I just want to go home. And I want to find a home that feels like home again.

"Home"


Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Sometimes I feel I get lost in my own life. I have been so busy that I haven't really given myself a chance to grieve over what is lost. Every once in awhile I take a breath and a small wave of sorrow for what was hits me. As quickly as it hits me I push it away.

A few months ago I asked why I was doing what I am doing. I know why. I have a dream of what I want out of life. I have faith that our future will be as good as I dream it will be. I feel like I have gained a sense of strength and autonomy that I have never had. At the end of this road I will be a better wife and mother and have so much more to offer in general. So, I thank God for unexpected turns in the road and I put my faith in him to guide me down the right paths.

Lost Photos

I just found pictures of Jack when he was first born and when he was back in the hospital at 6 days old. I have been so sad because I thought we had never downloaded them. Yah!!!

Happy 9th Birthday Max

I have a never ending list of things that I love and admire about Max, but here is my top 10.

1. He is such a good big brother. His brothers wait all day long to play with him.
2. He is super creative. He has a never ending imagination.
3. He is a great swimmer, he swims 3-5 times a week for 1 1/2 hours.
4. He loves music, he is into the Police at the moment.
5. He makes friends easily and gets along with almost anyone.
6. He is really smart and gets really good marks in school.
7. He is a deep thinker, asks questions about life and religion that knock me off my feet.
8. He is adventurous, he likes to travel, and eat really great food (like sushi)
9. He is sweet. One night I came home from work at 5am to find Max sleeping in my bed. I climbed into bed and he woke up just long enough to kiss me on the cheek and say. "I love you mom"
10. He's handsome and really tall. I know more than one young lady with a crush on him :)

Max, I love you. Happy birthday!

Simon's 1st T-ball game

What am I doing?

Its almost 2 am and I am up looking at family and friends blogs for the first time in months. I just got done listening to a 2 hour lecture for patho. and I should be going to bed but graveyard shifts have completely altered my sleep schedule.

I finished my last final a little over two weeks ago. It was a stress filled finals week but I managed to eek out an A and an A-. One week off, I read a novel and spent a ton of time with my kids, and I now am back at it again. Full time work and full time school. I can't help but wonder what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Is it the right choice? I felt so strongly about it when I made the decision and I think I have to go with those impressions and feelings because now I am too busy to know what it is I am thinking or feeling.

I haven't had my hair done since spring break, not even my eyebrows waxed. I haven't been out with Shelby on a date since the holidays. I miss my kids, family and friends.


I just hope I can do this.